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What We Can Learn from "Dominating Personalities"

Beatrice Briggs

“A person with a very powerful presence [in our intentional community] asserts her views in such a way that the supposed consensus of the group is really just her agenda. The rest of us feel dissatisfied much of the time with “group” decisions, although the powerful member is so skilled at getting her way that sometimes we don’t realize what has happened until after the fact. What can we do?”

Beatrice Briggs responds:

Assuming that the person in question is neither the boss, the founder, nor the principal funder of the group, but rather one among equals, the solution lies in you and the other members. The rest of you need to learn from this woman’s example and become a bit more powerful yourselves. The following measures could help.

1. Stronger meeting facilitation: As custodian of the group’s process, the facilitator should ensure that discussion is equitable, that all opinions are heard, and that decisions are not “railroaded” through. If you lack experienced, effective facilitators, get some training – and/or hire an external facilitator for several meetings to get the group back on track.
2. More formal decision-making process: Clarify the difference between standing aside, blocking, and giving one’s consent, and then take the time to present all of these options at the moment a decision is to be made. This step usually flushes out lack of enthusiastic support for the proposal and clearly indicates whether there is consensus – or just winning by intimidation, apathy, or exhaustion.
3. Self-empowerment: The rest of you need to find your own voices. Consensus cannot work if participants do not speak up – forcefully, if necessary. This woman probably believes that her ideas are good ones and serve the best interests of the group. If her proposals are truly off the mark, block them. More likely, they contain some useful elements that need to be blended with the contributions of others in order to receive full support. Be clear, fair, and firm as you assume shared responsibility for how the group functions. My guess is that once she gets used to the new rules, this dominant member will be relieved to find herself in a group of strong colleagues.

These comments first appeared in the “Ask the Experts” column of the summer 2006 issue of Communities magazine, to which IIFAC Director, Beatrice Briggs, contributes regularly. (www.communities.ic.org)

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